Roadrunners And My Christmas List

ROADRUNNER
Geococcyx Californianus

This is one nifty bird.  They are mostly carnivorous and run like the wind.  Roadrunners can fly if running won't do, but they prefer the desert floor.  Although they have a silly reputation from cartoon images, the sounds they make are a descending series of "coos".  No bird ever made a "beep, beep" sound.  For it's size, this bird is a ferocious hunter.  It can handle anything smaller than it is and can even kill and eat a rattlesnake.  It digests the snake while half of it is still hanging from its mouth. That fact is going to come in handy later in this story.

This country has more consumer goods than any nation on the planet.  We practically import all of China.  And, when the wind is from the west and the stars are in perfect alignment, the price is right too.  Who can resist a sale?  It's unamerican.  I had just one more teensy little thing to find to finish my Christmas shopping.  Don't start with me on being so organized that I could get all this done before the 'after Thanksgiving Day' sales.  I may be a senior citizen, but I'm not out of my mind.

• So, what's wrong with this picture?  NO SALES CLERKS!!!  And, if you are fortunate enough to actually find one, chances are one of the following scenarios will happen.
• Clerk has no idea what you are talking about
• Clerk has no idea where the product is located
• Clerk has no inking of store's layout
• Clerk can't speak English
• Clerk is on the phone and can't be bothered with you
• Clerks are gathering to talk about boyfriends
• Clerk can't figure out register
• Clerk makes mistake and it takes hours to find a manager who actually knows how to correct it and ring up the sale

        

Enter Geococcyx Californianus, the Roadrunner.  Any bird that can catch and eat a rattlesnake ought to be able to run down and nail a sales clerk.  It can digest the clerk as it's nasty little feet hang out of its beak as it does with the rattlesnake.  Or, it can use it's habit of spearing the prey and beating it to death against the rocks.

Either way, I'm a happy woman.